why do you like me

dont say i’m beautiful
i don’t care

say i made you smile
and that you like my curly hair

say you missed me
and that you like my laugh

tell me i have something to offer
say you noticed my progress

say you’ll meet me halfway
and you won’t leave in the morning

give me your love
tell me i’m important

mention this song
that reminds you of me

tell me i’m intelligent
that you like when i sing

don’t say im beautiful
this won’t change anything

show me i matter
so i can know what i mean

Anúncios

things i would like to say

i would always be there to pick up your phone calls
when you want to tell me your funny stories
and i would always be there tracing designs on your arms
and kissing your neck in the morning
and i would always ask what you want before i cook anything
i’d tell you if the tags of your tshirt are sticking out
and if it’s time to wash them
i’d tell you if your hair refuses to lie flat
i would always ask you to slow down
when you’re drinking too much beer
and i would always worry
if you tell me your stomach hurts
or that your coughing kept you awake all night
there is nothing you could do that would make me
stop telling you not to drive so fast
stop telling you how brave i think you are
even if you were in tears
i would always be there to make you feel my love
and give you the cold side of the pillow

Take a few steps back

Everyday I feel like I’m trying to make sense of something which doesn’t have a sense at all to begin with. All this feels strange and untruth, and the uncertainty often brings me an agonizing desperation. Then I start remembering some chapters from the past, I remember how good some things have felt, and how bad they look to me right now. I realize somehow how hard it is to tell how things affect you at the moment and how they seems like a blurry photograph when you look too close at them. And as hard as it may seem, sometimes we just have to take a few steps back, take distance to see things more clearly. I know there are certain things that at the moment we think that’s all we want and need, because it is all we can see from that distance. It is what’s in front of us, so close it’s blocking our view and we can’t see what’s around.

I took a few steps back and I could see there was much more than what my eyes were seeing. There was another way, there was a whole picture, clearly, not blurry, but a high definition preview of all the options I still have on the way. As much as at the time I felt like I was only going backwards and being left behind, I see the importance of those steps backs now. I don’t have the answers to most of life’s questions either. And I know the sea may often look as if it were nothing but a vast, endless pool of emptiness and it gets darker and deeper. When that happens, just take a few steps back, and chill out. I know you might be anxious to know if you’re going to achieve your dreams at all. And that you may be tired of everything everyday. Like we’re swimming in circles and fighting exhaustion but we’re looking for this voice saying “keep going.” There’s pain and fear almost everywhere, it’s just part of the thrill. Just take time to listen, sometimes instead of saying “keep going” the voice is saying “slow down”.

Feeling myself

 

You think I feel things too much, that I am intense and overreacting. You think I fall in love too quickly and that I want everything to be fast, at the time I want, or not at all. You think I let myself be influenced by other people too easily and that is why I am always unsatisfied. You think it would be better if I feel less, desire less, keep my heart sedated so I can hurt less. And save my energy to other things but fragile emotions.

But I must say with all my sentimental heart that I already know what is like to feel nothing at all. That I spent part of my life hurting myself, desperately wanting to feel something, anything, including pain.

I must say that when I want things fast it is because I know what it is like not to hurry any decision. And let life pass by with a catalog of options and not wanting any of them, cause nothing would actually make any difference. I must say that I hold on to any kind of emotion I have because I want to feel all the physical reactions of each part of my body. I must say I let myself be influenced because I want to experience all the different things in my way. I want to try the new and be able to tell what is good and what is bad for me. I must say I am always unsatisfied because I want to know what else I can do, where else I can be. I want to taste new things and smell new things and feel new winds.

I used to wake up and feel nothing, and go to school and feel nothing, and fight people and feel nothing, and kiss people and still feel nothing. I remember waking up and thinking: “Do I have to live another day, again? For what purpose? There is nothing out there for me.” I wanted something. I took a spoon and burned it on the stove. And slowly I was approaching to my skin, and I was feeling the warm and it was getting warmer, it was so hot, it was burning the inside of my thighs and I thought: “This is something“.

And today I don’t need to burn my body to feel anything. Because I feel everything too much. All at the same time, and sometimes I wish it could stop it, because there is this war inside of me that I don’t know how to deal with it. But it is that war that makes me who I am, since I started to feel. Everyday I think: “Well, this is something.”

Auto biografia

Não pense que sou superfície
Sou de Lua
Sou silêncio e gritaria
Do mar calmo e revolto
Sou movimento e quietude
Constantemente insatisfeita
Em busca de um bem-estar

Sou pensamento que não compartilho
Não confio e não me dôo
Tsunami de calor
Sou sol de rachar no verão
Instabilidade e depressão
Se achou meu ego grande é porque ainda não viu o tamanho da minha
B
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Swimming in your deep darkness

Darling,
I’m like the moon and you are the darkness around me.
I let you embrace myself
Cold and silent

I am asking for peace
And Im swimming in your deep
Deep endless soul

Confusing and agonizing
I say I feel like dancing
Unstable and realizing

Im swimming in your deep
Deep endless darkness
Controlling my dreams
To take you to the beach
To the ocean inside of me

Like Im the moon
and you are the darkness around me.
Im tryina fall asleep
Suffocating
Im dying